Life...or something like it.

So not a whole lot to say really. Well, I say that but it's never really true. I've made it out of the darkness of my transition from criminal to productive member of society (with the help of the government of course) yay food stamps! I have to say my generous government allotment of $200/month for groceries does my soul good. Not having to worry about food is a wonderful luxury when you haven't known where your next meal would be scrounged from. Work is going as well as any minimum wage mind-numbing employment can..I don't hate it, but I don't like it basically. I've become increasingly responsible, civil, and domestic...blah blah blah I hate it. It's hard to stay in one place all the time. I crave being on the move terribly and all the little joys that come from seeing my old friends, but with a pending court date in April I have to isolate myself for the sake of a clean criminal record. Society blows, and always will. I have yet to finish my community service hours...or other court mandated punishment but hopefully soon. My tax return will be in on Friday making it possible to keep my car out of repossession...err "automotive collections" as my account manager refers to it. Hmmm...all this mundanity is making me feel increasingly boring. My mind is filled with space and a fluttering thought here and there barely out of my grasp. Life is peaceful which I'm not used to...really because it's not going anywhere right now. I'm ready to go back to school, ready to continue towards some sort of progress, but I fear I'm not ready for the necessary steps to make that happen.

This sort of experience definitely has it's advantages and disadvantages. On the bright side, I get to see alot more of my true friends these days instead of just my old clientele. It's been a wonderful source of encouragement and soothes my damaged spirit. I've learned how to be simple and live without all the little trifles that kept my heart from breaking. I yearn for the cool breeze, sunshine breaking through cloud-spotted skies, and mountain air. It's camping season and I need an escape. All I long for is peace and natural beauty in my environment, but alas, here I sit in the middle of Pickens County. I'm ok with it though, I just don't know how to feel, or if I should feel, or if feeling was really ever worth all the hassle anyways. Life is a blank slate...and I don't know what to do with it. I love writing, and that's about all I consider worth pursuing as a career. Nothing else seems worth my time, but now that I don't have the extremely insane style of living that was the inspiration for some of my most passionate and expressive monologue I fear my style may never be the same again. Even now, I feel like this is just bitchy rambling about things that matter far less than what's really going on in the world. Still, it's a weight off my mind and heart to scrawl them out onto this blank white space. Any of you familiar with Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five can relate to the feeling of Billy Pilgrim when he considered the fire-bombing of Dresden and could only express it in the words "Poo-tee-weet?".

Enough bitching...now onto things that make me happy. I'm excited that I may possibly be able to return to class in the Fall. As long as I can acquire the funding and will-power to complete the necessary paperwork, I should be financially stable enough to go back. I'm excited about completing my college education, but not necessarily the process. After living in the Clemson area for the past couple semesters and seeing the attitude and behavior of the students from an outside perspective, I pity them. These suburban children are chasing lifestyles and artificial legacies implored upon them by their parental guidance, while feeling no true passion or love for the line of work they so desperately pursue. The university is appearing more and more as a giant day care as I've come to realize adolescence has been extended into the mid-twenties for this, our generation of infantile wanderers lumbering after the scents of the American Dream long departed from this nation. Our economy is collapsing, the job market is falling, and we're still headed towards the same goals as we were two decades ago. It's time for reform, it's time for a paradigm shift where the people around us are more important than the latest technology; where souls can peacefully commune and learn from each other instead of the words of dead men.

In other news, my beer collection is coming along splendidly. One of these days in a fit of extreme boredom or inspiration I'll start reviewing the different beers I've managed to sample from god only knows how many breweries across sixteen countries. Beer heals all pains, there's just no arguing with that. Other than that, work will continue hopefully, I'll continue progressing, and maybe I'll accomplish something this week. Who knows, it could happen.